Black hole

I’m starting to crawl out of my black hole. Allergies have been beyond my patience. I had scheduled for new tests last month, since I haven’t done any testing since I was a teenager it sounded like a good idea. But I was forced to cancel. You can’t be on most of my allergy meds a week before the testing, and if I skip just one dose, I relapse. Damn rainy spring weather. When is it ever going to be hot again?!


I have been sick on my Birthday, Mother’s Day, DH's birthday and every other weekend in between. I’ve put off cleaning my house, laundry and even a trip out of town because I’m just too miserable and need to feel better. Okay, to be honest, it doesn’t take much for me to put of cleaning and laundry, but the trips, now that is a clear indication that I don’t feel well.


Hot weather is supposed to be coming this weekend, so I can see a light. I hope that light burns all the damn pollen and mold in the air.


I had a funeral to go to this past weekend, so I had to force myself well to make the trip. LOTS of mixed feelings go along with this funeral. I’ll try to do another post on the complicated position I found myself in this weekend.


Writing has suffered, couldn’t keep up the writing everyday pace. But I did get a tiny bit done while I was out of town and that helped me immensely. Just for my own head, it felt good to being doing something that was totally for me while I was there. Miss M is out of school now and starting summer camp (day camp, no sleep overs) next week. I plan to get back on track by then.

Personal Protection

Run to go get Leah's new book. Personal Protection. It's so hot and right now its #2 on MBaM. Let's push her to hit #1.

C'mon, you know you want to read it...

Guns

I’m writing away in Kathleen’s story. Kathleen is a prim and proper girl and is being introduced to the seedier sides of life. One of the things her new partners insist on is her getting a license to carry a gun. So I know this, I planned on this, have major stuff happening in this scene but I forgot one important thing. I’ve never shot a handgun. I’ve never been to a shooting range. I shot a rifle a few times out in the desert when I was much younger. But that is not the same. So I quick called a friend and she took me last Friday afternoon to the range not far from my house. I’ve been there a couple of times, looking and asking questions in the store. I already know the type of guns Sam uses, but I need to learn how the whole process works so I can make Kathleen’s story that much more believable.

I had an awesome time. I did really well, shot a couple of different guns. Even did well on my targets. I learned a lot and had a great time. My friend was impressed that I wasn't intimidated by the whole thing. In fact, she kept exclaiming, "You're not scared at all. That's great." My reply, "Yeah, NOT being scared was usually my problem." You see, I've always dived head first into anything I wanted to do. Much to the dismay of all those around me. I met my future husband and just a few short months later I moved half way across the country to a city I didn't know, no friends or family near by and started a business venture with my now husband. It took us seven years to actually get married. (Boy, what a conflict that caused my family. :) Oh, and did I tell you I was only 18? Yeah, I think I'm a big NO FEAR advocate.

Now if I could get the No Fear going for my writing.

A moment of panic

I’m feeling a whole lot over my head. I’ve kept up my daily writing, although it hasn’t been solely to L&D1. I got stuck, more on that in another post. But since I need to wait just a couple of days for me to get unstuck, I turned to Sam’s story. She has a prologue or short story that happens in Kathleen’s timeline. It doesn’t fit and is completely unnecessary for the Kathleen’s story (L&D1) but it is a must for Sam’s (L&D3). Plus it’s really HOT. It turns out to be a central piece setting up the internal conflict for Sam’s story. And I just figured out the plot of the external conflict, I have to admit, I’m impressed with myself. Didn’t see it coming but I love it. It’s more interesting and stronger than I originally planned.

Many of my writer friends have said that if you get into the ‘groove’, ‘zone’, or whatever name you give it, then your creativity will start to overflow. I believed it, but never really experienced it. I let too many real life/ job things get in the way of writing. And while the real life/ jobs thing still have to come first, I am making writing a priority too. Then I had that overflow they talk about. I had the spark of an idea for another series. Four sisters, four witches, four books. Can you believe that? Plus it’s something completely different, for me anyway. I know the sister/ witch thing is feeling a bit overdone. And it may be, but it’s being done because people like it. Something about magic and witches resonate with people and I don’t think they ever get tired of reading stories done in a fresh way. Now let’s hope I can get the fresh part done.

In the craft of writing, I know what needs to be done, the layering, the 3 or 4 drafts, laying the clues, showing vs. telling, emotions, etc. But when I think too hard on if I’m doing all these varied things right I get overwhelmed. Fear sets in. Doubt is its close partner. Not good. I know I listened to them before. I have the privilege of being a beta reader/ crit partner to some very talented writers. And it’s easy for me to think that while I may be creative, I doubt my stamina and ability to complete the novels they have. However, these habits that I’ve been forcing myself to do have helped curb fear and doubt. Let's see if I can maintain it.

How do you keep fear and doubt at bay?

Anita Blake

I’ve stuck to my writing EVERY SINGLE DAY credo and the daily numbers are starting to getting consistently higher. In fact, last night I really just wanted to go to bed. I was tired, it was late, Miss M went down an hour later than normal, and my allergies haven’t gone away completely yet. I really tried to talk myself into going to bed and doing more today. But I’ve got more crazy stuff to do today. So I ‘put my butt in the chair’ (as Candace Havens always says) and just tried to type some words that contributed to my story. Guess what happened? I wrote nearly 1,000 words. AND I think I put way more emotional insight into my main character. Happy dance and rum for everyone!

So Leah blogged about me again. :) I sent her my Anita Blake books to see if she liked them. I did, in fact I devoured the whole series in three months in between all of my other reading. Leah didn’t like them nearly as much as I did. There wasn’t enough emotion in it for her. I understand and I do like the emotionally powerful stories that she talked about. But it also made me think about why I liked Anita Blake so much. Anita is a truly flawed character, but she knows it. She knows she has all this anger and rage and she lets her mouth get herself into trouble. But she can and does come off as a bitch to many. So why do I like her so much? I think I relate too much. Plus with her saying things like she runs 4 miles every day, not because she likes it, but because sometimes you just have to be able to out run the bad guys, it’s hard for me to NOT like her.

Oh, and you need to buy Leah’s new book. It’s coming out on the 12th. HOT, think Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. OMG, you can’t believe how hot this book is. A little tidbit for you, I read a couple of scenes from the next book in the series this week. Umm, let me just say that I wanted to pull DH into my office and lock the door. He wouldn’t cooperate though, damn!

Dreams

Writing update – I’ve have written every day since I met my goal of starting to write before Easter. That’s more than ten days. YEAH me. On average I’ve written about 600 words a day. True, not a great amount but the range has been from 90 words one day to 1662 on another day. I’ve only had two days were I wrote 90 and 106 words, but I was going to a funeral and such so you have to give me that. I think the important thing is to get in that habit of writing every single day. I have an excel file keeping track of my daily log. I'll let you know how it's going as time wears on. I expect that my output will start to come easier the longer I'm doing it every single day.


Fun Stuff – Check out Leah’s blog. I inspired it! It’s all about having dreams (the kind while you’re asleep) that actually come true. So does that ever happen to you?


Weird Stuff – Okay, so I try to do the good mom thing and let Miss M experience different stuff. We do piano lessons, and we went through horse lessons, Tae Kwon Do, and more recently dance. Piano is going to stick, but then we’ll sign up for something new for three months and see what we like. Miss M loves the ‘idea’ of doing all these things but when she realizes the work involved gets bored really fast.





I have to tell you though that dance is going to be OUT. The conversations that go on among the dance mothers, OMG, I can’t possibly even describe it properly. All I know is that I need a drink afterwards. Don’t believe me? Think I exaggerate? DH does, then the babysitter came one day when I had to be somewhere and she tagged off and took Miss M home for me. Her opinion? “OMG, I thought women like that only existed in movies and books. They are so WEIRD!” via her text messages to me, after only being there for 15 minutes. Yes 15 minutes. I think we may go back to horses, they talk less.

Updates

Miss M

Last Sunday I finished her tent curtains. She loves them. She loves taking them down and hanging them on ANYTHING too. Oh, well. She’s having fun. Still have a massive pile of toys in the living room but I don’t have the energy. Finally got the last book shelf in, just need to put it together. Not sure when, which leads me to…










Health
Do you know I have allergies? Even my allergist says that I’m a freak, in the nicest possible way. I have your common garden variety allergies to pollen, ragweed, anything that grows, etc. However, the way MY body reacts is where the freakishness comes in. You know that Epi pen shot that people who are allergic to bee stings use? Well, it has a disclaimer, once you use it call 911. Not me, it’s just everyday average medicine. I use is sparingly, because I don’t really like jamming my thigh with it. I guess I use it about once or twice a year. When I was 7 I was taught how to use a syringe so I could inject myself in the arm if need be. I wish I could do that still, but with the drug problems today I’m sure I would get all kinds of weird looks if I try to pick up ephedrine and syringes. A small stab in the arm is way better than a jam to the thigh though, less bruising too.

Anyways, my allergies have been in high form. The pollen count is off the charts right now with high winds at least every other day. Miss M and I are both going to the allergist tomorrow.

Writing

I met my goal!!! I started writing L&D1 a whole day before my deadline. I’m very excited. So far I have about 1600 words, which doesn’t sound like much and it really isn’t. BUT with my head all fuzzy from allergies I’m amazed I actually crawled out of bed the last two days. I’ve finished the first scene. It’s still really rough and I know I will end up rewriting at least two more times, but that is for later. Now is the time for me to push through with this first draft and get the whole story written. The Zokutou Word Meter link is gone, so as soon as I can find a better one I will start posting my progress.